• Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
• You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
• Well, aren’t we a damn ray of sunshine?
• Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.
• Do I look like a people person?
• This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
• I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
• Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
• Why don’t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
• I’m not crazy. I’ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
• Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
• Do they ever shut up on your planet?
• I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet!
• Back off!! You’re standing in my aura.
• Don’t worry. I forgot your name too.
• I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
• Wait … I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
• Chaos, panic and disorder .. my work here is done.
• Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
• You look like shit. Is that the style now?
• Earth is full. Go home.
• Aww, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
• I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
• A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
• You are depriving some village of an idiot.
• If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
• Look in my eyes … Do you see one ounce of gives-a-shit?

1. walk really fast when you are going anywhere as to appear something important is going to happen
2. carry a notebook with you at all times. seems like you are suppose to be somewhere taking notes. if at your desk keep it open with a pen on it
3. keep your headset on if you are in your cubicle
4. actually do work but that defeats the purpose. okay more later. any suggestions?
5. shuffle papers
6. look pissed off
7. put up a do not disturb sign when you are browsing the web
8. continually click on a pen
9. walk around with your laptop open, side note: take your laptop home and say you are WFH (working from home)
10. open up Microsoft Word and write blog entries to post later

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